Thursday, April 25, 2013

Of disappointments

I've failed before. Of course I have.

When I came back to Malaysia from the Netherlands, I entered school a week later than everyone else since I arrived here a day before school started. Adapting to a completely new environment was hard. I went to an international school during my 3-year stay in the Netherlands and believe me, it is completely different than the education system here. 

On my second day of school, there was a test. It was horrible. I didn't know a thing. I didn't even fill in the OMR paper because I had no idea what it was for. It was just so embarrassing. And for that January test, I got 1B 2Cs and 2 fails. And that wasn't just it. I had to go down from the first class to the third. When I came home I cried like a baby. It was just... embarrassing. Some of my classmates went to the second class but I was the only one who had to go all the way to the third. 

That didn't stop me from obtaining 5As for UPSR.
You might belittle me by saying that UPSR is easy or kacang or whatever. But I was proud that after that failure, I was able to stand up and fight for my success. It wasn't easy. My friends took 3 years to learn all the subjects for UPSR while I only had 1. It was hard to catch up, especially for science. 

In Form 1, I had a C/D for agama. To me that was kind of a failure. It contaminated my result slip. Studied like hell for it for the next exam and Alhamdulillah I got an A.
Throughout the next exams during Form 1-3, I kept reminding myself that I did not want a bad grade again in my result slip, so I studied hard for all my exams. I studied hard for my PMR trial, and PMR itself. People might have thought that I played a lot, but they don't know what I did at home (I make it sound like I torture myself lol)

Once in Form 4, I got a C for Physics. And whoa did that give me a huge shock. I was horrified with it. Call me a perfectionist but I don't care. To me, that was one of my greatest failures of all. But all I had to blame was myself since I didn't study much for the exam. And after that you should've seen how I pulun for Physics. Every little detail I had to know. Every chapter I needed to understand and have it ingrained in my head. Every single thing I didn't know, I went to ask anyone who'd know. And I did the same for all subjects.

I'm not trying to brag. But I believe that everyone is capable of achieving things if they put determination together with hard work.

I was hoping to get a Bank Negara scholarship. But I failed. I didn't even get an interview. I didn't get the Khazanah interview either. And I have absolutely no hopes for Petronas. I'm not going to lie, I am extremely disappointed. I really really really really wanted Bank Negara because my job is guaranteed. And I worked hard for my 9A+ just for these scholarships.
But you know what, this will not stop me from going to a good university and getting a good job. Because I have tried and maybe this is what's best for me.
I know Allah has planned it out well for me. 


"...But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not." (2:216)


  1. Susu, I only had one year to study for UPSR too. It was torture especially BM.

  2. Susu. You got freaking 9A+. The hikmah must be huge and glorious and legendary ! Wait for it. InsyaAllah

    1. ahaha, ugh, all the glorious ones turned me down already. thanks nena, insha Allah :)

  3. Mara ada lagi. Peluang mu cerah Susu. Secerah Susu pekat manis ;)

  4. Macam kenal those words . Susu pekat maniss . You can do it susu . In shaa Allah (:

  5. Salam,

    Hi Nurul,

    We're merely having the same case here, failed for Khazanah and BNM. I'm hoping for MARA and Yayasan Pelajaran Johor right now. Me either strugling so hard since school and now entering my post-grad level. But I would like to remind you, dont you ever dare to lost hope. There are tonnes of opportunities out there that you might not discover yet, hold yourself tight.

    Remember,if its yours, it gonna be yours just the matter of time. OK?
    May the best of your past be the worst of your future.

    All the best.

    1. Salam,

      Sep sikit then! hahaha, thanks ummul. You too, don't give up and I wish you all the best for your future endeavours! :)