Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The first time

The first time I put on the hijab?
It was one fine day in Year 6. I did it without thinking. It wasn't really an act on impulse. I just thought I'd start wearing it.

In Year 2, I moved to Netherlands. And Ya Allah, I miss those days back in that lovely place. Sometimes I wish I could go back there. It was where I spent my childhood, so of course I fell in love with that place. I distinctly remember my old school (International School of The Hague), at the old location AND the new location which was near the beach in Kijkduin.
And the fields of tulips were absolutely amazing. If you've never been to Netherlands, this is what the tulips look like:

Beautiful kan?
Okay, getting a bit carried away here, mind me.

So anyway, I was brought up there  for 3+ years. Sure it wasn't that long, but I was still a child and it was that period of time where I absorbed a lot of knowledge and was influenced by the cultures there. My mind was like a sponge.

I, of course, knew I was Islam having spent most of my childhood in Malaysia. But that was as much as I knew. That I was Islam. I had no idea what the meaning of Islam was. I had no idea what the true meaning of fasting during Ramadan was. I had no idea about the importance of the Quran. I read it, but that was the only thing I did. Read the jawi alphabets carelessly, not knowing what it means.
I didn't really know who Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. I only knew his name.
I didn't know we were supposed to cover our aurah when we hit puberty. Heck I didn't know what period even was.
It was probably because my mom thought I was still young. But then deep inside, I knew I was going to wear hijab one day since my mom wears it. (So here kids, it proves that family members do influence us lol)

I was a kid on the brink of being a teenager, so it wasn't really... good. That I didn't know anything about Islam. When I came here, I was kind of sad when everyone knew Rasulullah's history and I just completely blurred out.

Ustazah: Time Rasulullah dekat Gua Hira' semua tau apa jadi kan
Students: Tau...
Me: .................................

Okay, it didn't really go like that, but something like that.
So I was really sad.

So then I came back to Malaysia on 1st January 2007. 5 years ago, that is. I went back to my old school Sekolah Kebangsaan Bukit Rahman Putra and like the majority of the class wore tudung. But I just brushed it off. Heh, I didn't really know anything.
So then one day, it was agama period. There were about 4 people who didn't wear tudung (including me). And ustazah was like encouraging us to wear it.
So I was like thinking "mmhmmm, maybe I should?"

Then at the same time, I was at my grandma's house one day, and ada kelas mengaji. So naturally, I went to put the tudung on. After the class ended, I didn't take it off, and my (arwah) uncle was like
"pakai lah tudung" and everyone said lagi manis, comel and such. So I was like

So one day, I asked my mom if I should. So my mom said, pakai je lah tapi nanti jangan nak bukak pulak.
So I was like, okay. Mehehehe.

And one day, I wore it. I wore it to school and I wore it outside. So much thanks to my Tahun 6 ustazah and my arwah acik atip who were inspirations for me, hahah.

But wearing the tudung doesn't mean I had completely put on the hijab.
Let's just say my Form 1 and 2 days weren't exactly times when you could call me an angel. Haha, those were probably the worse times I went through. If I could rewind time, I'd probably change everything about Form 2. Erase all the history I wish I didn't have.
Experiences have matured me and taught me so much no one else could teach. I thank Allah for always giving me chances and showing me the true path.
When I look back on those days, I can really see how much Allah loves me. The things I thought were misfortunes sebenarnya hidayah.
Tulah manusia. We ask Allah to guide us, but we sometimes don't clearly see the signs He's already given.

"...But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not."(2:216)

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