Of Candy Crush and CNBlue

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

Due to the boredom that I face each and every single day of this loooonnnggg holiday, I have become quite obsessed with a few things, namely Candy Crush (I'm finally on level 96 now) and CNBlue.

So I am actually the type of person who rarely plays games. However, since people have been talking about Candy Crush a lot, I decided to download it, but I didn't play it lol. After horsey became obsessed with it, I tried playing the game. And last last I'm the one yang obsessed while he has moved on already.

If you have read one of my previous posts, you'd know that I became a kpop lover during the end of Form 3 and stopped sometime in Form 4. So I was sucked into the korean entertainment because of Innocent Man, however I stopped right after that. THEN, I started watching Running Man, THEN someone told me to watch We Got Married - YongSeo couple. AND THEN, I became a BOICE (a term which refers to a CNBlue fan)
And may I explain that CNBlue is completely different from the other KPop groups such as SuJu, SHINee and yatta yatta because CNBlue is a band and they are super talented (especially Yonghwa!!) and Imma stop talking about them now.

But lama lama, it got me thinking. All this obsession is pointless and it's taking me further from Allah and I should tone it down a little. Maybe liking it is fine, but I shouldn't spend every waking second playing Candy Crush and watching CNBlue because it won't help me in the hereafter.

What if I die tomorrow and the last thing I did was fangirl over CNBlue or get excited because I got to the next level of Candy Crush.

Swimming

I love swimming, as well as running.

After a few minutes of swimming or running, your muscles are going to hurt and you will be so tempted to stop and rest but you keep on going. And the pain seems to recede. And you're happy. Because you think you've overcome the pain.
But then after a while, your energy will suddenly crash and it begs you to stop. And you have no choice but to stop swimming. Because if you keep on going, you're just going to damage your body.

That's how it is with life isn't it.
You're going to feel hurt but you keep on going fighting your way through and the pain just seems to evaporate and you feel happy. You think you've overcome the pain.
But then suddenly, you crash down. And you can't handle it anymore. And you cry. And cry. And cry.

But it's okay. You'll still survive. You just need to rest.

SPM 2012

Assalamualaikum w.b.t.

SPM. I have left SPM for 4 months now, and honestly, it's a huge relief.
I worked so hard for SPM. So when I get my results, Insha Allah I'll be thankful. The thing I am most scared of, is not getting results which aren't straight As, but that I won't be thankful for what I'll be receiving.
I'm scared that I'll be depressed which I shouldn't be because Allah has given me so much already.

So I'm reminding myself NOW, that no matter the outcome, it won't affect my future.
It won't help me in attaining Allah's love, it won't help me during akhirah when I have to answer Allah's questions. Allah won't even ask how many As I'll receive for SPM.

So my fellow batchmates, don't you fret if you don't receive what you dreamt for. May the results we'll be receiving in less than 24 hours initiate our will to do better.
Be thankful and remember that the results do not determine your success in life.
Don't torture yourself because of it, don't kill yourself because of it. Heck you could get 9Ds, but if you have a will to drive yourself to success, then I'm sure you will find a way.

We have a long way ahead after this.
I pray for our success in dunya and akhirah and may we all attain Allah's mercy and love, insha Allah.

In 5 years, insha Allah I'll be holding a degree in actuarial science, biiznillah.
Good luck to all SPM-ers 2012, may you all be thankful for whatever result you receive.

Dania, Tasha, Miss Alia, me and Haziyah right after the accounts paper :)

A day out at Paradigm

Day and night

Assalamualaikum dear readers! If there are any... or I might just be talking to myself cause I'm so awkward like that hahaha.

I am though. Awkward I mean. I wouldn't say my state of social awkwardness is too critical but yes I am awkward sometimes. I'm weird as well. I say such random stuff that just boggles others.
I wouldn't say I'm likable. I wish I was.
People's first impression of me has never changed. "Sombong" or "Tak reti senyum" is what everyone would say. But it's just... how my face is and I can't change that. (I honestly think it's because of my small mouth).

I have so many things that I'd like to change about my past. I wish I could change the stupid decisions I made. I wish I could change how my attitude was in the past. I wish I could change a lot of things.
Sometimes I'd wonder about it and get all depressed.

But you know what. I remind myself that it's useless to ponder upon it as it's already engraved on what we call the past.
And if none of the bad things happened, I wouldn't be who I am today.
All of those have become lessons for me and others.

I have to learn to love myself. I think every person should. I'm still trying. So hard. My confidence level is around -5 and I'm not kidding.
I am constantly wishing that I am prettier and smarter and stuff. But I should be thankful. Allah has given me a complete body and I should be thankful for that. Ini semua duniawi. Tak perlu menagih lebih-lebih di sini.

And well, I shouldn't be complaining so much because,

ANIMALS HAVE PROBLEMS TOO.

______________________________________________________

And it is He who produced for you hearing and vision and hearts; little are you grateful. (23:78)

Productivity

It seems that productivity has merged with holidays now.
No, I haven't gotten a job yet. But I have applied for work as a data entry clerk at RHB and a volunteer at Petrosains but neither have responded anything.

I am now attending Mandarin classes! Yay for me! Alhamdulillah. I initially wanted to learn French but dad said that French is now becoming a useless language and many French people are now learning English whereas Mandarin is an economical language, senang dapat kerja and stuff. So yeah, dad knows better so better I ikut je his advice nanti menyesal pula kan.

So she comes to my house and I had the first class tadi. Alhamdulillah it was okay. She said I'm a very fast learner and I pronounce accurately so yeah thanks to Allah :)
So inshaa Allah that goes well.

And I still want to learn French so maybe I'll buy myself a book or something keh keh. So many things to do,  but somehow we never get around to it.

I should memorise some verses from the Quran as well :-/

Peace

Assalamualaikum.

It seems like so many of the TGBians have gone off to college already for fast-track programme, and some have gone off to PLKN. Half of the remainder are working now. I am one of the few who is still at home duduk goyang kaki. sighs.

I recently applied for a job as a data entry clerk at RHB. I'm not putting much hope on it. Allah will give me what's best. And now all I'm doing is just trying to get my driving license. I went for the kursus amali yesterday and it was okay except for the part when my engine died aha. Thanks to Cik Iti for teaching me how to drive beforehand.

So yeah, all I'm doing now is fattening myself up. I think I might just be baking everyday because there's nothing else to do.
My weight has increased a lot but I don't give a crap anymore. As long as I'm healthy haha.

Darn it, my life is so interesting hahaha.

Darn it

I was wondering what it would be like if no one had created all these amazing technologies.
Wouldn't life have been easier?

I mean, now, if you part with someone, you'll have Facebook, Twitter, your phone to continue communicating with that person and there'll be some sort of obligation to keep in touch.
And if somehow, we drift apart, we'd be blaming each other for not trying to contact each other via text, or social networks.

Anyway, I'll be disappearing to camp for the next 5 days. Al-Khadeem I think. It's an Islamic Youth Camp and well I guess I'll have fun.
Au revoir darlings.

My break

(Texting)
Me: study study study, jangan lupa study!
Amir Acap: orait... boss...

Myra, Farhanah, Fawwaz and Nina came over to study mihihi and we actually did study :3

Time with my family :)

Annnnddd, voila, I remade my twitter account. Couldn't resist temptations.

My first follower. Though I was the one who logged in his account and followed myself.

Fine

Sometimes, you don't realise how much God has given you.
Sometimes you don't realise you're going the wrong way.
Sometimes you don't realise what you received was best for you.

I'm still an immature, callow youth and there's much I haven't learned. But what I have learnt was that all those people, results, food, wealth don't mean a thing. Sometimes I forget, but I try to remind myself.
Sometimes I stop, and I think. All these things, these things we're so worried about, don't mean anything.
I've come to realise over the past year that what matters most is your relationship with Allah.

You could be freaking rich, or you could be shit genius, but without Allah, your life is empty.

He was the one who kept me going on in the years before I came here. I perservered in this place I hate so much because of Him. I know all those people who talk about me don't mean anything as long as I have Him and all my true friends around me.
I am so far from perfect and make the most stupid mistakes, but Dania reminded me that it doesn't matter as long as I'm always trying to change.
Farhanah tirelessly reminds me that she loves me and so many other people know the real me.
Sadiq is always there to advise me to be a good girl.
Mom is always there to give support.
And what's most important is that Allah is always there to listen, and in some way, comforts me.

Though I complain and despise this place, I've learnt so much about life. I've met so many people who inspired me to change. I've learnt to not be too sensitive and a little patient.

mihihi emotional nya -.-'

You could be sad and depressed of all the things that you have to face, or you could be bold and confident that you're better than what they tell you.

Trials and SPM

Assalamualaikum
It's time to go now. Back to where I supposedly belong.
Wish me luck for my SPM trial and SPM itself! Pray for me okay dears.

May we all get straight A+

Allahumma yassir wala tu'assir

Lack of Enthusiasm

Assalamualaikum.
I was just reading my old blog, and I realised how utterly BORING I am now. Oh my God, comparing my latest posts, they are just so... BORING.

I am a soulless person, THERE'S NO MORE LIFE IN ME.
Where is the cheerful Farhana, full of happiness and hyperness. Where is the old me who liked to talk non-stop.

I have probably matured too much. Or, I have learnt that it's just better to not talk.
I mean, I don't really mind the non-talking thing, but I just don't have life left in me... It's like I've transformed into a robot. Mission? To get straight As.
My mind is not expanding well.

I'm dying ever so slowly.................................................................
A barrier has been put somewhere in my mind. It's keeping my hormones from functioning properly. I don't feel happy nor sad. I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING. I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS AT ALL.

Ya Allah, this is killing me.
I may be full of madness, but honestly I don't feel anything. Just a bit headachey.
Doesn't that prove how feelingless I am?

I'll go cry in a corner. Just because I am a feelingless human being.

Goodbye Ramadhan

It's time to say goodbye to my favourite month :(
I hope Allah forgives my countless sins. I hope he has blessed me. I only hope for his blessings and forgiveness.

I didn't get to meet with Lailatul Qadar given the circumstances, but I really hope I'll get the chance to meet Ramadhan again next year and try with all my might to increase my ibadah.
I will sincerely miss this month full of barakah.

I pray that Allah will give me another chance to live through Ramadhan again.
This is probably the first time I actually made good use of Ramadhan. I tried my best to abstain myself from anger, and slander and talking behind people's back. I loved the feeling of it, the feeling of trying to be my best :)

Anyway, time for raya wishes is it?

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN EVERYONE. May you all have a great raya full of gratefulness.

Though some might be sad that Ramadhan is leaving, Syawal is a month to celebrate our battles and hardships during Ramadhan (have we really been through battles though?). It's time to say our thanks to Allah for blessing us with wealth and food.
It's time to visit our relatives we see once a year (better than nothing, I think).

And don't forget to put on smiles and say our thanks to everyone - especially our dear parents.

- It's always sad for me when it's raya time. Everyone's going back to their kampung while I'm staying home. Hmh, kampung 30km sahaja daripada rumah.

Au revoir darlings 

Euro 2012

Euro 2012 has just kicked off and the first 2 matches were played just hours ago.
I am of course supporting the Oranje squad, just as I always have since living in Netherlands and always will.

I am no die-hard football fan like some guys are, but I love watching football games. I don't have the ability to analyse the tactics, or anything. I may just be a typical girl who shouts GOAL! along with the others.

I spent part of my childhood in a football-loving country. Football was a big thing in Netherlands. Though the country never won the coveted title as World Cup champions, but they did become champions for Euro 1988 held in Germany. It was the team Marco van Basten (previous coach for the national team) was in. It became quite a pride in Netherlands (being the champion I mean).

And I was brought up with a brother who loved and played football. He was part of a football club - Graafwillem. So every week, the whole family had to go to his matches with other clubs. So from there, I harboured a strong feeling for football.

I still remember the streets coloured with orange, carelessly and sloppily strewn with banners.
I still remember when my friends and I were all excited during football season.
I still remember the atmosphere in Germany when they were hosts for World Cup 2006 (when Italy defeated France and thus claiming the title as champions)
I still remember the sticker book me and my brother had. Always buying stickers to complete it and trading the stickers with our friends. If you don't know what the sticker book is, it's a book filled with blank spaces where we had to put stickers of the football players. We completed the sticker book after trading it online, haha.
And those days when I played football games on Play Station with my brother and was considered to be the best player by my family. What an honour it was, LOLZ. (Bukan nak riak k, my skills have now dissipated aha)
Then there were those moments when my brother bought football magazines and I would read with him, so I wasn't totally clueless about football news.
And at school, during Physical Education, we'd play football sometimes (and I miss that because we played with guys in the team, so takdelah diorang clamouring over the ball macam anak ayam like how girls usually play). And there was a day when I played football while wearing a skirt (mind you, I still wore skirts back then).
Oh dear, there comes the feeling of nostalgia...

Anyway, even though Netherlands weren't exactly favourites after the final of World Cup 2010 (to be exact, after their very rough game with the Spaniards), my support for them has never wavered.

But you know what, when acting, fighting, arguing and corruption becomes part of football, it just contaminates the game. You do know that sometimes they bribe the referee so that he'll side with that team so nanti jadi berat sebelah?
Well, it just ruins the purity of the game. Football, and sports in general are a medium to unite us, so that we can somehow connect with others through the love of the sport. But when these dirty things meet with sports, it makes the games become dirty.

Anyway, hup Oranje hup!
Netherlands will go against Denmark for the first game for Group B. Tune in to the game at 12 am :)

Indeed, Allah orders justice and good conduct and giving to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded. (An-Nahl:90)

Cinemas

Assalamualaikum again dearies. May peace be upon you.
I finally watched The Hunger Games and I give it two thumbs up - if I had three hands I'd give it a three thumbs up.
The movie gave me some satisfaction, even though I've read the book - unlike Twilight. The actors and actresses portraying the characters were compatible (except maybe for Gale)

What I want to talk about though is not the movie but the cinema. At some point, I was holding back my pee. It threatened to go out any second. I of course, debated with myself whether I should go out to the toilet or not. Was going to pee worth missing part of the movie?
So in the end I went to the toilet - couldn't stand it any longer.

I blame the air conditioning for this. I went to the toilet right before going into the cinema so the full bladder was totally unexpected. It really wouldn't hurt to turn down the air conditioning a bit.
It's causing extreme peeing. And it's really a bummer to have to bring sweaters for fear we would freeze to death in there. Plus, going to relieve your bladder - you might miss some of the best moments of the movie.

What was amusing was that I stood up to go the toilet at the same time the guy behind me did. And we walked to the toilet together (but not talking of course), both our faces with the same expression "I can't hold it in any longer"

The Hunger Games

Assalamualaikum! I think my holidays this time was well-spent. My homeworks are NEARLY finished. And I completed 2 novels (one BM and one English). I'm feeling quite satisfied with myself, and very glad that I haven't just wasted my time doing... um, stuff that wastes time, haha.

So I have just finished reading a novel, jeng jeng jeng, which is, THE HUNGER GAMES!

This book has been adapted into a film which will be released I don't know when, but I shall of course watch it. The trailer makes the film look highly appealing and hopefully it will be good. Click here for the trailer.

I highly recommend the book. It's quite moving and centred on a very serious topic.

The story is set in the country of Panem (in a post-apocalyptic world) where the countries of North America once existed.

Long ago, a war broke out when the 13 districts in Panem rebelled against the Capitol. The Capitol won and the 13th district was fully obliterated. The Hunger Games were devised as a reminder to the districts to not rebel. It is an annual event where one boy and one girl aged 12 to 18 from each of the 12 districts are selected by lottery to compete.

The story is centered around Katniss Everdeen from District 12 who voluntereed to replace her sister in The Hunger Games.

I promise you, it's very addictive. I can't wait to finish off the other 2 sequels.

Soooo, school holidays are coming to an end and I feel quite sick thinking about it. After a week of home, I'm starting to despise my days in TGB where all we do is endless studying. Sighs and more sighs.

How I would love to hide myself here at home, ignoring the fact that I have SPM to take and more tests and exams in school and more homeworks to complete. An endless cycle.

And it ain't even going to get better when I get out of school. College, university, getting married, having a job?

I'm not a child anymore.

"As for those who believed and did righteous deeds, for them will be the Gardens of Refuge as accommodation for what they used to do." (32:19)