I am though. Awkward I mean. I wouldn't say my state of social awkwardness is too critical but yes I am awkward sometimes. I'm weird as well. I say such random stuff that just boggles others.
I wouldn't say I'm likable. I wish I was.
People's first impression of me has never changed. "Sombong" or "Tak reti senyum" is what everyone would say. But it's just... how my face is and I can't change that. (I honestly think it's because of my small mouth).
I have so many things that I'd like to change about my past. I wish I could change the stupid decisions I made. I wish I could change how my attitude was in the past. I wish I could change a lot of things.
Sometimes I'd wonder about it and get all depressed.
But you know what. I remind myself that it's useless to ponder upon it as it's already engraved on what we call the past.
And if none of the bad things happened, I wouldn't be who I am today.
All of those have become lessons for me and others.
I have to learn to love myself. I think every person should. I'm still trying. So hard. My confidence level is around -5 and I'm not kidding.
I am constantly wishing that I am prettier and smarter and stuff. But I should be thankful. Allah has given me a complete body and I should be thankful for that. Ini semua duniawi. Tak perlu menagih lebih-lebih di sini.
And well, I shouldn't be complaining so much because,
ANIMALS HAVE PROBLEMS TOO.
And it is He who produced for you hearing and vision and hearts; little are you grateful. (23:78)