Guidance

            Her heart. It was void of emotions. She ignored the stares of the strangers walking past her. She ignored a lady patting her shoulder asking her what the matter was. Her long hair spread out around her and she could feel it being stepped on by the people walking past her. She ignored it. She kept her eyes closed and stayed there, lying on the pavement.

            She banged on his door, feeling frustrated. “Ugh, where is he?”. He hasn’t been answering her calls for a week now. She knew he was still alive as someone said she saw him just this morning. She banged the door again but there was still no answer. Why was he ignoring her?

            After what it felt like hours, she opened her eyes. It was dusk. She contemplated what to do while walking slowly along the pavement. She could stab herself with a knife? Maybe a gunshot through the heart? But she was sure of one thing; her life had to end.

            She’s been in a relationship for 5 years with Zac. “Why is he doing this?”. She walked away from his room. She was about to climb the stairs when she heard muffled voices from behind it. She stopped; her heartbeat accelerated when she heard a guy’s voice. It was him. She heard a girl’s giggle and her heart seemed to falter.

            She kept walking with her head down. “Where am I going to find a gun?”. She sighed. She pushed out thoughts of her family. Nothing was going to stop her. Only a miracle could save her, and she knows those don’t exist.

            She saw them in each other’s arms. The guy who she thought has loved her for 5 years and the girl who has been her best friend for 10 years. They realised her gaping at them and quickly let go of each other. "Too late for that scumbags". She ran. She didn’t know where she would go but she ran. Away from the people she thought loved her. She ran.

            It was getting cold. Rain was pouring down in torrents and she shivered, hugging her bare shoulders. She was wearing a tank top and shorts. “Maybe I could stay out here and just die of pneumonia”. She crouched down and kept hugging herself. It was getting very cold. Suddenly the rain seemed to have stopped. She looked up and saw a man holding an umbrella above her. A woman appeared by her side and they both ushered her into a car. “I’m being kidnapped. I guess it doesn’t matter.”

             She heard them asking her endless questions but she ignored them. She heard something weird playing in the car. Was it a song? It didn’t seem like a song. It was like someone was reading words but in a singing kind of way. What was it? Whatever it was, it seemed to calm her. It puzzled her. She looked beside her, at the woman who had kidnapped her; she was wearing a cloth on her head. “Muslims”. She knew them as terrorists. She wasn’t surprised that they were the ones who had kidnapped her.

            The car stopped. The woman took her hand and pulled her out of the car. She followed. She was being led into a house. Inside, the man gave her some sort of black dress, which was loose and was told to wear it over her clothes. She did as was told. The woman led her into a bedroom upstairs and told her to bathe and wear the loose dress. She did as was told. After the bath, the woman was still in the room sitting patiently on the bed. She sat down beside the woman, cautiously. The woman then asked what she was doing in the rain, and looked at her with kindness. The horrid memories went through her mind and she suddenly burst into tears. The woman hugged her and she was overwhelmed with warmth. She heard the woman say Allah is there you, Allah is there for you. She didn’t know what it meant but she took comfort in those words. She took comfort in the fact that this Allah is there for her.

5 years later

She smiled at them, the people who took her in when she was helpless. She has embraced this religion she previously thought was full of violence. Only now does she understand how peaceful Islam is. Her parents still have not embraced it but thankfully, accepted her. She hoped they would embrace this beautiful deen soon. Jo and Zac seems like distant memory. She has said goodbye to her past self now, hoping to never see her again. She looked around the room at Maryam, Jamil and her parents, sitting together at the dining table and felt thankful. She has finally found peace. Alhamdulillah.

Sacrifice

       He sat at his chair, bored to death, not even knowing why he was there. He glanced at his parents who sat next to him; they had a glow in their faces. Finally, they announced his sister’s name as the best student. There was a thunderous applause as his sister walked up on stage. His parents were clapping enthusiastically while he just stared blankly, waiting for the event to end.

         He used to love his sister. He used to respect her, admire her, and was proud of her. He used to be close to her since she was the only sibling she had. He doesn’t know precisely when it started to change but he does know she began to change upon entering high school. She started ignoring him. She started to stop playing video games with him. He was left to play alone and felt bored. He started to feel neglected by his own sister.

         Then he entered high school as well. He realised how popular his sister was. No one knew him as him, but knew him as Lily’s brother. It infuriated him, even more when his sister ignored him at school. He started to feel hatred for this girl he used to love spending time with.  He wished she would just disappear and stop making his life miserable.

         One day, she barged into his room and just suddenly shouted at him asking him why he was flirting with her friends and to stop embarrassing her. He glared at her while she was shouting at him, his emotions boiling, his eyes tearing out of anger. He wasn’t even listening to what she was shouting about. When she stopped, he stood up and stormed out of his room. He went out the front door and slammed it hard. He walked out of the gate and suddenly felt his body being slammed and the world went blank.

         He saw stars. He blinked 3 times and finally saw the white walls. The hospital? What happened? He then heard his mother’s voice, calling his name. By his bedside, his mother was holding his hand. His mother looked at him wide-eyed and started nudging his father who was asleep on a chair next to her. She started crying, clearly exhilarated. He was confused. For how long was he gone?

         They explained to him that it has been a week since a car hit him and they feared he would not wake up. They also told him that he recently went through an operation as both his kidneys stopped functioning and he needed a replacement. He suddenly remembered what happened before the car slammed him and asked where his sister was. His parents looked at him sadly with tears welling up in their eyes. “She died, in a car crash” was not what he expected to hear.

         It has been 6 years after the incident. He couldn't help feeling happy that his sister is now gone. He doesn’t miss her at all. He felt like he can finally live as himself and not as her brother. Sometimes he felt like she deserves it. He smiled. His bags were packed and he was all ready to go to the United States tomorrow to further his studies. He heard his mother calling him from the master bedroom. He quickly walked there. She had tears streaming down her face and a photo album on her lap. He saw pictures of his sister back when she was a baby. Her mother looked at him and pointed to his stomach. His mother told him, the kidney he had in his body was Lily’s. His mother told him that Lily wasn’t supposed to die but did, due to complications. He stood stagnant, unable to process her words. He sank to his knees, guilt eating him alive. He was consumed with grief. Here he was, happy that she was gone, while she died for him 6 years ago. She died for him.